February 2001 chaplain's corner

The Chaplain's Corner is a monthly message for chaplains.

Chaplain's Corner - February 2001

Rev. Rich Hines

Last October at our Chaplain Enrichment Seminar in California, prison and jail chaplains asked some very good questions. These questions bring up the issues men of God representing the Biblical gospel, in a correctional setting must face today. We began answering these questions last month. You can go "BACK" to the first "Chaplains Corner" page and click "read archived messages", or contact our office and ask for the printed text of last month's message.

The question I want to answer this month is:

"How would you encourage a wife who has a husband in jail for a long term to deal with that and

would she have biblical grounds for divorce?"

This question reflects the struggle families face when a husband (also often a father) is incarcerated.

From my experience, I would say the first thing a chaplain must find out is are they really, legally married? In most cases they are not. Tragically in most cases, there are also children involved. But biblical grounds for divorce can only be explored or investigated if there has been a legal marriage.

The woman referring to herself as a wife who is not legally wed to the inmate has many issues to deal with. Her own support, although a vital issue, is not the most important thing. Rather her relationship to God and how she got where she is in relation to the incarcerated man is even more important. In this situation, John 4 would be a good place to start. There, at a well in Sychar, Jesus offered His salvation and eternal life ("living water" verses10,14 ) to a woman who had gone from man to man, and was at the time living with a man she was not married to.

She said "I have no husband! Jesus said to her, 'You have well said, I have no husband, for you have had five husbands, and the one you now have is not your husband; in that you spoke truly.' " (John 4:17,18)

Later, she said to the men of her city: "Come, see a Man who told me all things which I did. This is not the Christ? (is it? - implied ) (John 4:29, literal translation)

She had come to the well seeking physical water, but after she was confronted by God in human flesh, she left her water pot and became deeply interested in the fulfillment of biblical prophecy and the ministry of Christ to her and to her people.

In another, yet similar setting, in John 6, Jesus told those seeking physical food, which for them was a daily necessity, not to labor for the food which eventually perishes but rather to be more concerned with a different kind of food,

"the food which endures to everlasting life" - John 6:27

Then He told them that different kind of food was a Person -

"My Father gives you true bread from heaven. For the bread of God is He (bold for emphasis)who comes down from heaven and gives life to the world." - John 6:32,33

Then Jesus said: "I am the bread of life. He who comes to Me shall never hunger, and he who believes in Me shall never thirst" - John 6:35

What I'm saying to you chaplains is this, no matter how difficult someone's lot is, be they inside the facility or in the case presented by this question, outside as another victim, hurting behind another person's crime, proclaim eternal life in Christ to them.

No, you don't ignore their temporary physical problems, but you don't get caught up in the problems of life no matter how severe, and miss the eternal purpose for which they were created: to know and glorify God.

If the woman we are speaking about had really been following Christ, she would not have allowed herself to get into a mess with a man that wasn't following the Lord. The good news is she can begin anew with Christ. Ultimately, He will through any means He chooses, take care of his trusting child.

If she really is married to the man in prison, and he is facing many years for the crimes he was accused of committing then she is like what the English Bible calls a "widow." The word used for widow in the Biblical texts carries the idea of "a woman bereft" that is, a woman left with no means of support.

Ultimately, if she has no godly family who will show their faith by taking care of her physical needs, then the family of believers in the local church is to care for her, either as one of the poor, or as a widow.

Looking again at the question -

"How would you encourage a wife who has a husband in jail for a long term to deal with that...?"

How would we encourage an orphan or a woman who lost her husband through death? We would point them to God and the love He gives through His true followers.

When I was a correctional chaplain, I had a situation, where a woman with three small children, had a husband that was sentenced to 44 years in prison. Today, (after 18 years) he is still serving time. She was a believer and a member of our church. Our church elder board followed the Biblical teaching in 1 Tim. 5:3-16 and committed the church to regularly, monthly supplying her with money to live on. That wasn't all they did either, they were there for her actual physical help, and they still are.

I want to explain the text I just spoke about - there is much in it that the church and individual believers and widows need to pay attention to. Written to church leadership - it says:

1 Timothy 5:3-16

3 Honor (this word carries the idea of monetary support) widows who are really widows.

"Really widows" in contrast with "widows" here means those women that are truly destitute of any other financial help. If they have a family, that has believers in Christ, those believers, as we shall see from the text are the first line in God's plan for her financial support. But if they truly have no one, not even a unbelieving family member that will support them, then the local church is to do it.

4 But if any widow has children or grandchildren (who are believers, is implied by the text) let them (the believing relatives) first

learn to show piety at home and to repay their parents; for this is good and acceptable before God.

5 Now she who is really a widow, and left alone, trusts in God and continues in supplications and prayers night and day.

But there is another kind of woman that's been left behind, widowed, not really a believer. Sadly, she may be attending the church, but she's not in Christ.

6 But she who lives in pleasure is dead while she lives. (There are women who seek worldly ways to get their support. They go

from man to man, like the woman in John 4. They are physically alive but spiritually dead )

7 And these things command, (the believers) , that they may be blameless.

8 But if anyone (who claims to be a believer in Christ - implied) does not provide for his own,( his own widows) and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

In the pagan first century society even most unbelievers took care of their widows. It's a shame when believers refuse to do for their relatives what even some unbelievers will do.

In verse 9, the text brings up something new, not financial support, but a special ministry that widows should aim for. Widows who have vowed to give the rest of their life serving the people of the church, the saints.

9 Do not let a widow under sixty years old be taken into the number(a special listing of women that minister in a special way to

the church), and not unless she has been the wife of one man, (lit a "one-man woman" meaning devoted and true to only one

man at a time in her life. She could have been widowed and remarried and widowed again - but she was of a pure moral nature in her

marriages)

10 well reported for good works: if she has brought up (nourished up) children, if she has lodged strangers, if she has washed

the saints' feet, if she has relieved the afflicted, if she has diligently followed every good work.

11 But refuse the younger widows;(don't put them on the list of v. 9) for when they have begun to grow wanton against Christ,

they desire to marry,

12 having condemnation because they have cast off their first faith( better rendered "pledge" here - they vowed to keep themselves single and to serve God and fulfill the requirements to be put on the special "list" of recognition in v. 9, but they broke their vow).

13 And besides they learn to be idle, wandering from house to house, and not only idle but also gossips and busybodies,

saying things which they ought not.

14 Therefore I desire that the younger widows marry, bear children, manage the house, give no opportunity to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

15 For some have already turned aside after Satan.(some widows, not following the godly design of verse 5 and verse 10, become

easy prey for false teachers - compare 2 Tim.3:6)

The main principle -

16 If any believing man or woman has widows, let them relieve them, and do not let the church be burdened, in order that

it (the church) may relieve those who are really widows.

So for those widowed wives that have no means of support, the church is to help them. Believers are to help their own family and the widow herself is encouraged to become a devout follower of Christ.

"How would you encourage a wife who has a husband in jail for a long term to deal with that?"

The answer to the first part of this question then is:

You would encourage her to put all her trust in God, seek the fellowship and if need be the financial support of the church, and to stay away from worldly answers to her needs and loneliness.

But what about the second part of the question? "Would she have biblical grounds for divorce?"

On the surface, and just because her legally wed husband received a long term sentence, the answer is NO.

There are only two grounds in the Scripture for which God allows for a divorce of a marriage. Adultery and desertion. I need to explain these two.

Adultery Matt.5:31,32

31 "...it has been said, 'Whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce.'

32 But I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery;

and whoever marries a woman who is divorced (so divorced without being the victim of adultery) commits adultery.

Matt.19:3-9

3 The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?"

4 And He answered and said to them, "Have you not read that He who made them at the beginning made them male and

female,

5 and said, 'For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become

one flesh'?

6 So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no man separate."

7 They said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to give a certificate of divorce, and to put her away?"

8 He said to them, "Moses, because of the hardness of your hearts, permitted you to divorce your wives, but from the

beginning it was not so.

9 And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual immorality, and marries another, commits adultery; and

whoever marries her who is (so) divorced commits adultery.

According to Christ's teaching in Matt. 5:31,32 and Matt. 19:3-9 God does not recognize or accept a legal divorce except in the case where one partner is guilty of sexual immorality - i.e. adulterating the marriage bed. In that case, if the victim of the sexual betrayal can't put it behind them, and has a hardness of heart about a future marriage relationship to the sinning partner, they are PERMITTED (not commanded) by God to divorce if they want to. In that case, their divorce or dissolution of marriage is recognized by God so that if they ever re-marry, the new marriage is not looked upon by God as an adultery of the first marriage.

Desertion

1 Cor 7:12-16

12 But to the rest I, not the Lord, say:(this is new from the Spirit of Christ, not quoting Jesus in the gospel record) If any brother has

a wife who does not believe, and she is willing to live with him, let him not divorce her.

13 And a woman who has a husband who does not believe, if he is willing to live with her, let her not divorce him.

14 For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband; otherwise

your children would be unclean, but now they are holy.

15 But if the unbeliever departs, let him depart; a brother or a sister is not under bondage (to that marriage) in such cases.

But God has called us to peace.

16 For how do you know, O wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, O husband, whether you will

save your wife?

According to the Spirit's teaching through Christ's Apostle in 1 Cor 7:15, when a believing spouse is deserted by an unbeliever because he or she cannot stand to stay with the Christian - simply because she or he is following Christ, which is to say the contention in the marriage, is over the faith of Christ, the believer can divorce because they are to let the unbeliever depart, and are not in bondage to the marriage.

In unequally yoked marriages, if both were unbelievers when they wed and one gets saved this can happen. In the case where a true child of God, wrongly and against God's directions in the word married an unbeliever, they have some sin to confess themselves, but God still allows the breaking of this kind of marriage - when the unbeliever wants out because they can't stand being around the light of Christ in the believing spouses life.

To say that this reason caused the husband to go out and commit crimes so that he could get away from her exemplary Christ likeness is quite a stretch. Many things would have to be discussed and prayed about for this text to fit the thought of divorcing an inmate husband with a long term sentence.

The Christian chaplain should like Christ, in Matt. 19, stress marriage union rather than divorce. If there is any way to keep the marriage together, the wife that asks if she can divorce, should be encouraged not to go that direction.

Marriage is a covenant with God. The marriage promise is first and foremost, to Him. Families are very important to God, and the marriage is something He, not man designed for His purpose.

One of the purposes for which God designed marriage, according to Eph. 5 was to be an illustration of the relationship between Christ and His church - that is true believers. God will never "Divorce" a true believer and in effect kick them out of His family. If you are a believer and married, your marriage commitment needs to reflect the secure and eternal relationship of a believer and Christ. What a privilege!

This concludes our Chaplain's Corner for this month. Next month I'll answer yet another good question. In the meantime, chaplain, keep on proclaiming "the unsearchable riches of Christ" to the inmates. May God bless you as you do it.